In the Spring of 2022 my wife, Marilyn Voth was diagnosed with breast cancer and her right breast was removed. Follow up tests continued and in June that year, we met with an oncologist to hear what ongoing care was being suggested. Our surgeon had suggested that maybe Radiation was suitable and so we were anticipating a busy summer of travel into Calgary for many appointments.

Our oncologist did not have good news for us. Marilyn’s cancer was stage 4 and no treatment would be offered other than palliative care. Marilyn asked the question, “How much time do I have left?” Nobody can say for sure but a rough guess would be that Marilyn might have six months. We had not expected that and the ride home was quiet and reflective. To say the least, we were in shock and stunned.

Marilyn and I have always been people of personal faith, so we didn’t fear death. Of course, we didn’t like the news, but our concern was more physical. The process of physical dying is unknown, and we knew that cancer was going to rob us of time together and add pain and suffering. Everybody wants more time. Nobody welcomes suffering.

Soon thereafter we were into the “system.” Alberta Health made sure we knew what helps would be available and soon we received a phone call from Diane. We made an appointment for Diane to come out to meet us and to describe what volunteer palliative care would be available.

Diane is a soft-spoken person who exudes kindness and empathy. We are hospitable people who offered coffee or tea, but Diane gently refused. She was there to offer her services. She took her time and by the time our interview was complete, our heads were spinning with all the options available. She left handouts and informed us that she could be a first resource for any questions we had and that she could also contact other people in the system to help us as well.

A week or so later, Diane called us to set up an appointment with her and a potential visitor. It had been determined that we would want some respite care for Bob to catch a break as he was the primary care person in home. Shauna Hollingsworth came with Diane and we had a relaxed “Get to know you time together.”

Unbeknownst to Diane, we had met Shauna before and privately, Marilyn and I were a little concerned. We had seen her in a casual setting with many people around and our first impression was that she was a little standoffish. As the time approached for our first visit alone, Marilyn said, “What if she doesn’t talk to me? “ Needless to say, there was a lot going on at the time and we were in uncharted territory.

I went off to my two hours of break which I called “Running away from home.” I was hoping things were going well.

On my return home as I opened the door, I heard peals of laughter from both women. Our concerns had been groundless. Shauna and Marilyn had established a wonderful friendship of two girls who just ”clicked”. They both looked forward to visits together to finish each other’s sentences.

One week, Shauna brought a light quilt as a gift from the Dalemead quilters. Marilyn chose to use it as a table cloth and I still use it now. It washes up nicely and doesn’t need ironing. That gift showed us that there were others behind the scenes n our community who cared and spent hours looking out for others.

We had several respite visitors over the 18 months as Shauna is a snow bird who runs away from winter. All of our other respite visitors were kind and approachable and gave me the break I needed to catch my breath. I had calls from Diane and others after Marilyn’d passing.

One week, I was so tired, that when our visitor came, I went to bed for the two hours. That’s what I needed most.

Diane kept in touch with us regularly and became a personal friend too. Marilyn was very quiet and was reluctant to call on me, although I was usually right there. Diane brought a bell that Marilyn could use to summon me, if needed. She never used it but we sure laughed about what ringing the bell might mean. Both of us never lost our sense of humour.

Visitation care lasted for 18 months and when Marilyn went into hospital for her last 10 days or so, our visitor came in the morning until she passed away. That was helpful as I am not a morning person but did spend about ten hours a day with Marilyn.

One cannot anticipate how the gradual toll of spousal care can require as much energy. I know, I lost 30 pounds without changing my eating habits. My wife and I had 59 ½ half good years of marriage. Early on, we learn how to problem solve and when Marilyn said to me, “Bob, we need to talk,” she meant something else. What she really meant was, “Bob you need to listen.”

I would have wanted to keep Marilyn forever, but there came a time when her body just wasn’t working for her and her suffering needed to end. The loving thing to do was to release her.

Because we are people of faith, I know I will see her again.

I am thankful for people who think outside of their own personal worlds to give back to the community around them and with this note I want to say. “Thank-you for serving Marilyn and me at a most important time in our lives.”